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Everybody was new once, and we all remember how intimidating that was. Public play parties are, as the name suggests, events open to the public; they usually occur in a dungeon or fetish space where invitees pay admission. The upside and the downside of public fetish events is one in the same: anyone can attend.
This means you can get your first introduction to your local kink community here, but also that not everyone can be vetted as safe. Private parties are mainly set in private residences — essentially, a kinky house party — and are invite-only. Everyone at the party generally knows someone else, which helps create a safer, closer, more intimate play environment. Getting ready properly can do a lot towards you having your best possible first play party experience.
When all else fails: just wear black. If you intend to engage in play at the party, there are a few things to keep in mind. I can guarantee you that any given play party is full of people, both new and experienced, who feel just as socially awkward or anxious as you do. A lot of parties will have alcohol and snacks, which both support the general social gathering atmosphere and fit into the play party environment. Snacks are great for keeping blood sugar up before or after a scene.
Play parties are not a space for excessive drunkenness, as it makes you a non-consensual hazard to other attendees, their scenes, and yourself. It will confuse people. A good list of things to hit upon before a pick-up play scene would be:.
The last thing to hit on in pre-scene negotiations is what aftercare each of you needs. Engaging in BDSM and other sexual taboos can be a very intense experience that may leave you feeling shaky and drained. Common aftercare actions can be: holding each other, talking, giving positive affirmations, or bringing the other person food or water.
Just snacking and socializing while surrounded by kinky activity can be fun on its own. This puts the whole party at risk if something goes very wrong, and no one bdsm play party the paramedics or police called.
BDSM is a deeply intimate, intense, and personal experience. The best point of comparison would be for you to think how frustrated you would feel if someone interrupted you going down on your girlfriend to tell you how cool it is. Flirting or just meeting someone new at a play party is so fun! Someone may come up to you, but also, be as proactive as you can in approaching new people yourself. You can only really get what you want if you ask for it, and if they say no, move on and flirt with someone new. These may as well be the golden rules of play parties.
Assumptions are the enemy of direct communication and understanding. As far as actually engaging in play, remember that for some people, engaging in their kink is the whole act, not foreplay for sex, so never assume that sex is part of the package. It seems basic, but a sexually charged environment can make you lower your inhibitions and may lead you to believe there are less rules, but in fact there are usually more — because BDSM runs on rules. Also, not everybody is out as kinky. Never take pictures without consent.
Use the situation as a growing experience rather than internalizing it as a failure. Going to a play party for the first time — or the first few times! Remember that both play and parties are supposed to be fun! Chingy is a writer, actress, humorist, and bottom of extraordinary ability based out of Los Angeles and Oakland. Her passions include pop culture, femme tops, meat, and publicly indulging her plethora of fetishes.
She is not to be confused with mid-oos rapper Chingy and she is really not sure why she is allowed on tv as much bdsm play party she has been. Chingy can be found at TheGayChingy on Instagram and Twitterslinging hyper-specific gay memes, career updates, and Femme4Femme thirst traps.
Did we mention she's a bottom? Love this!
Repeat or egregious offenders will be banned. This is very interesting to me as someone who has also attended play parties, both private and public, for years. I wonder what the difference is? Speaking as someone who goes to play parties as close to fortnightly as I can, I found this to be an excellent article.
You've decided to leave a comment. That's fantastic. Please keep in mind that comments are moderated by the guidelines laid out in our comment policy. Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation and thanks for stopping by! The basics of a play party and being invited to one!
Public play parties Public play parties are, as the name suggests, events open to the public; they usually occur in a dungeon or fetish space where invitees pay admission.
Private play parties Private parties are mainly set in private residences — essentially, a kinky house party — and are invite-only. Be a prepared pervert Getting ready properly can do a lot towards you having your best possible first play party experience. Play preparation If you intend to engage in play at the party, there are a few things to keep in mind.
If you see someone not doing this or are unsure if someone is, talk to your DM. Aftercare The last thing to hit on in pre-scene negotiations is what aftercare each of you needs. Speak up! Say hi!
Ask for what you want! Before you go!
It takes funding to keep this publication by and for queer women and trans people of all genders running every day. Still, Related: bdsm kink. Chingy Chingy is a writer, actress, humorist, and bottom of extraordinary ability based out of Los Angeles and Oakland. Chingy has written 3 articles for us. You May Also Like Reply to This Comment. Thanks for this. I going to have to go back and re-read Aristotle, I guess. This is great! I was gonna ask if Kara was ok, because she was drowning on shit and hate Loading This is also my experience.
Regardless, thank you so much for your input! And as others have said: This is a great and helpful starting point, thank you! Contribute to the conversation Cancel reply Yay! Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by. Loading Comments Required Name Required Website.Bdsm play party
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